Michael Jackson is Back in the News

Okay I’m not much of the celebrity gossip blogger, nor do I really keep up with the celebrity “dish.” But when it’s in your face it’s in your face. And the cover of Ebony Magazine is in your face. I mean it’s a real glossie, not a tabloid. And it’s right there on the newsstands in front of you. And dare I tell you the name of this month’s issue: THE DECEMBER 2007 SPECIAL COLLECTOR’S EDITION FEATURING MICHAEL JACKSON! So of course you’ve got me curious. And let me show you the cover:

Really, he looks more like a painting than a person. And somehow Ebony Magazine is convinced that he’s still the King of Pop. They are offering readers “a rare glimpse into the world of the internationally recognized icon.” But isn’t that world really in another country? Because isn’t this the same icon who fled the United States after his little run-in with the law? Harriette Cole, who wrote the article, said in a Today Show interview, “He came across really as kind of normal.” And I have to admit here that I flat out stole this from perezhilton.com, but does this look normal?

You can’t convince me that that this man is normal.

I’m not prejudiced. I don’t have a problem with people who are scarred or disfigured in any way. But he has eyeliner tattooed around his eyes. Part of his nose is missing due to plastic surgery. His lips don’t even look like lips; they look like Courtney Love after a concert.

Harriette continues, “A few days ago when we were with him, he was with his youngest son. They call him ‘Blanket’ — he’s 5 years old.” Oh, of course, that’s normal. What a cute nickname for a five-year old. Blanket. There’s nothing cute, sweet or endearing about that. Blanket. It’s an object. My niece Maddie – she’s the Madster, or Mads – some normal incarnation of her name. But blanket? I might as well call Maddie “pillow.” Trying to convince me that Michael Jackson is normal because he calls his son “blanket” is a very weak case.

Harriette goes on to quote Michael in the interview as saying, “Let’s face it, who wants mortality?” Okay, now I’m convinced he’s not normal. I dunno. I kind of don’t want to live forever. Not if it means sleeping in a hyperbolic oxygen chamber. Or living in a petting zoo. Or molesting little boys because you can’t face the fact that you might get old.

It’s been 25 years since his album Thriller was released. I remember my best friend Amy had the leather glove and the unauthorized biography. I was obsessed with the picture of John Lennon and Yoko Ono – the one where John is curled up naked in the fetal position next to her. I guess I just never got into that Michael Jackson craze.

Now Janet was a different story. But that was because of Paula Abdul. I was a dancer and Paula’s choreography was the shit. And when she went solo and stopped choreographing for others it was her that I stayed loyal to – even through the rumors that she was lip-synching.

I’m glad that I stayed with Paula, even if she is a pushover on American Idol. At least I didn’t get stuck in the world Ebony is living in – a world of hero-worshipping a man who hangs his baby out the window of a hotel balcony. Ebony is trying to resurrect Michael Jackson’s stardom by celebrating the twenty-fifth anniversary of the release of Thriller. He does have an amazing collection of work. It’s too bad that he also has a collection of neuroses that make him an unfit role model for anyone to look up to.