Britney and Paris Show Lack of Lucidity

Okay, I just have to have a brief gossip moment. I know that I said I didn’t do celeb gossip blogging - well apparently I do. After Michael Jackson, I’m about to jump right back in with Britney and Paris, which means I’m just like the rest of them. Because there are two stories out there which are so great I can’t help but share them.

First things first: It was a rare occasion this week, but Britney actually had custody of her children. One would think she would take advantage of that time and do something special – take them to the park, take them on a walk, KEEP THEM IN THE HOUSE AND PLAY WITH THEM WHERE NO PAPARAZZI ARE AROUND! But no, Britney has to do things her way. And her way, these days, is the craziest, most mixed up, turned around, ass backwards way possible.

So she’s driving along with her kids in the car and she thinks, “Hmmm… there’s something I need to stop and get.” At the top of most mothers’ lists would be: milk, diapers, baby wipes… But Britney quickly stops the car, jumps out – leaving the kids inside with the court appointed car monitor as babysitter – and runs inside a store to shop for what? A chandelier?!? Of course. The track lighting in her house was just too much to bear any longer. A true lighting emergency. I feel for her. I know what your skin can look like under harsh white incandescent light. Really judge, it was as urgent as all that.

She then proceeded to get back into the car, kids safe and sound (good babysitter) and start the car back up again. Now we all know that K-Fed’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan has tried to get the judge to disallow Britney from driving with the kids (remember she ran over someone’s feet - twice!). So she’s driving along, probably singing to herself, not paying much attention to anything because that’s what she does. Then oops, she does it again. A little boo boo. She runs a red light at one of LA’s photo-trap intersections with her kids in the back seat. So not only does the court monitor in her car catch it, but the City of LA has it on camera too.

But does it really matter? Every move that Britney makes is documented by the paparazzi that seem to be tipped off to her every step (does Britney call the photogs?). So what’s it to her that two more cameras have evidence of her boo boos. It’d all show up in court anyway.

Second: Paris Hilton has taken to charity. On Larry King Live in June she said, “I have a platform where I can raise awareness for so many great causes,” but I didn’t believe her. Low and behold she’s proved me wrong. And in a very large way.

Paris is trying to raise global consciousness about the plight of drunken elephants in India. Apparently elephants are given rice beer which gets them very drunk and then causes much danger to themselves and the surrounding communities.

Recently, six elephants died while drunkenly storming an electric fence. Paris says, and I quote “There would have been more casualties but the villagers chased them away - and 4 elephants died in a similar way 3 years ago. It’s just so sad. The biggest problems are in Assam and Meghalaya. The elephants get drunk there all the time. It is getting really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”

Well Paris, think about this: an elephant would have to drink 10 litres of rice beer, no water and not metabolize any of it in order to actually get drunk. Now imagine this happening to herds of elephants all the time. The Indian rivers would have to be flowing with sake. But it’s nice that you bought into an urban myth. Reminds us all why you’re on The Simple Life to begin with.