No, you’re not looking at a flying saucer, but rather, the “Chanel Pavilion,” a mobile, collapsible, exhibition pod set to take off in 2008 and travel over a two year period the from Hong Kong to Tokyo, New York, Los Angeles, London, Moscow and Paris.

Under the guise of a “noble research investment,” Lagerfeld commissioned Iraqi-born artist Zaha Hadid to design the collapsible fiber glass container in order to house the supposed Chanel inspired work of twenty internationally acclaimed artists.

The pod is supposedly “a celebration of the iconic work of Chanel, unmistakable for its smooth layering of exquisite details that together create an elegant, cohesive whole. The resulting structure is very much tied to that original inspiration—elegant, functional, and versatile both in its overall structure and detail.”

Somewhere I’m missing something because I don’t see the functional versatility. I suppose you can take it down and put it back up, but you can also move a house from Santa Monica to Santa Clarita. Does that really make it more functional? I mean while moving the house the roof got sheared off. And the “smooth layering of exquisite details” - well it looks smooth and I suppose it’s exquisite, but it certainly doesn’t remind me of the little black dress.

Regarding the artists, they were given a brief to create art in connection with Chanel’s back catalog of iconic handbags. The artists were all given a tour of Coco Chanel’s apartment in Paris and of the workshops in Verneil where the bags are handmade. Beyond that – the world was their oyster.

Stephen Shore chose to shoot the workshops in the style of American landscapes whilst Sylvie Fleury lined an entire room in leather, giving the impression of walking inside a handbag. Who knows what Yoko Ono or celebrity yoga guru Subodh Gupta will come up with… Style.com is partial to “the video by the Blue Noses collective from Russia, which imagines a future in which Chanel bags become the linchpin for all human relations.”

The exhibition will present some 40 costumes and accessories dating from the 18th century to the present—all recent Metropolitan Museum acquisitions—and will invite visitors to share their reactions via a blog that can be accessed from the “Special Exhibitions” page of the Museum’s website or from a “blogbar” of computer terminals in the exhibition galleries.

How friggin’ cool is that?   The average person can blog on the exhibition from home or directly from the computer terminal in front of the costume.  I can’t wait to see how many blogs they get.  Will the system be overloaded on the first day with so many visitors with opinions that they’ll have to shut it down for upgrades?  I mean, if you’re standing right there, how can you not just type in, “I love it,” or, “Gorgeous,” or, “Reminiscent of Coco Chanel’s appropriation of men’s sports clothes as the language of fashion, inasmuch as she made her own fashion of the sport jackets that were, of the time, everyday male attire.”

The only problem is that you have to visit the museum in order to blog on the exhibit.  And obviously we don’t all live in New York.  But given the blog descriptions of others, and the possible fame of some of the collection’s pieces, it may be possible to do some web searching and find enough information to have an opinion of your own.  And The Met does plan to post some individual costumes and accessories periodically on the website “with commentary from the Costume Institute curators and, where relevant, from contemporary designers” over the duration of the exhibit.  So we’re not completely left in the dark.

But what an amazing idea for an exhibit in this age of blogging like the wind.  Everyone is doing it, so why not let us have our say?

This week, it was reported that Linzi Stoppard, daughter-in-law of playwright Tom, decided she HAD to have a $400 gold beaded Roberto Cavalli dress from H&M.  So what did she do? She resorted to thievery.  To the appall of her sister shopper, she snatched the Cavalli dress right out from under the dressing room next door. 

I imagine the neighbor was too shocked to do much about it leaving Lindzi with her prize, rewarded for her catty behavior.  

According to Joan Harvey, a psychologist at Newcastle University who has done research into shopping behavior, women get swept into a pack mentality, similar to men at a football match, where they are competing to buy limited-edition items.

“The goal isn’t the dress itself, but to save money. As part of a group, each individual experiences a lowering of feelings of guilt and inhibition, so women will push and jostle to get to the front and may well do things that would ordinarily be out of character,” she says.

“You typically see it at the New Year sales, when I have noticed a lot of aggressive pushing to scrabble for bargains, but it does appear to be becoming a more widespread phenomenon.”

Some less aggressive and more common ploys include hiding items on racks they don’t belong on, removing parts of the garments such as belts or ties so they look incomplete, and hiding garments inside other garments so shoppers can’t find them.  Women are even nasty enough to tell other shoppers, “That looks just awful on you,” or to follow women to the dressing rooms to steal their “over-the-limit” clothes from the racks.

These women line up before the stores open, they try to place things on hold, they cozy up to the shopgirls, and they stake out the stores before the sales. 

Yes, they’re a new breed.  Sort of like a penicillin resistant virus.  Will doctors find the cure to the underhanded shopping aggressions of these pack-driven women?

Well maybe that’s not necessary.  Maybe the fashion industry needs to play fair and let everybody – and I mean the people in Minnesota, Kentucky, Georgia and the rest – have the opportunity to buy that $400 Cavalli dress.   Because releasing it in limited edition in the fashion capitals of the world, well maybe that’s not fair.

And then there’s Rachel Zoe. Whose clients have included Nicole Richie, the Olsen Twins, Lindsay Lohan and Mischa Barton – all pillars of style and strength of character… I mean, all of whom look exactly like, Rachel Zoe. And all of whom shared Rachel Zoe’s anorexia, and her big sunglasses, and her oversized tunics, and her head scarfs, and her boho bags – why exactly do we look to her for style advice? Oh, because she created “that” style. The one all of the disastrous girls who fell apart and ended up firing her wore.

But it takes time for trends to trickle down to Middle America. So upon losing all of her cloned clients, she wrote a book about them and published it riding on the names of her success, knowing that the rest of the country was just waiting to hear the secrets of their icons gone bad. And in the meantime she’d rake in the money and go retire someplace nice. As she’s not the 26 she claimed to be when she was BFF with Nicole and Ashley, no she’s past the mid thirties mark (though she looks much older). Systematic starvation and smoking will do that to your skin.

So what exactly does she advise? Let’s see… Well nothing that the average person could use. Unless you’ve got beaucoup bucks, this book is a waste of money:

“Big sunglasses camouflage a late night. They’re great when you need to hide…if you’re tired, or just not in the mood to be social.…One of my greatest peeves is how many celebs insist on wearing sunglasses as they walk the red carpet at the Oscars or other awards show.…The red carpet is no time to be hiding behind dark glasses—no matter how glaring the sun.”

I’m glad to know about your pet peeves, Ms Style A to Zoe. But how does that relate to my everyday look? I don’t regularly walk the red carpet, nor do I have the luxury of hiding in sunglasses at work.

“When packing my clients for a trip, I determine and fit much of what we need to glam them up…way in advance. But even then, a backup look (or twenty) might be thrown in at the last minute—particularly extra heels and bags. The entire lot is carefully wrapped and stuffed with tissue paper and shipped by FedEx to its destination.”

While it sounds quite fantastic to travel without luggage, I don’t think that I have enough clothes to send my “entire lot” in advance as I’d have to ship ground and that takes, what, a week? And those backup looks (one or twenty) aren’t quite in my budget, but thanks for that peek into the world where I’ll never live.

“Editing is an ongoing process. Rework a look. Revise your closet or cabinets. Reassemble a room. Don’t dress for the sake of a trend. If it doesn’t inspire you anymore, toss it out.”

Right, I’ll just “toss” it out. No matter that it cost two hundred dollars. That old thing just doesn’t scream inspiration. I’m just gonna go reassemble my room.

Ms Stlye A to Zoe, one would think you’d at least come down to our level, to give us some tips we really could use. But you’re stuck in that world where your clients have money, or should I say the clients you once had could pay you to look like you look.

Mr. Pearson sued his dry cleaners for $54 million dollars because they lost his pants. He claimed that their sign, reading “satisfaction guaranteed,” was egregiously misleading.  He thought that for each day his pants were “missing,” and the “satisfaction guaranteed” sign remained hanging, he deserved $1500 (somehow District of Columbia consumer protection laws led him to believe this fair).  In addition, he wanted the same amount of money daily for being mislead by the “same day service” sign.  Then he just tacked on another million dollars or so for emotional damages and legal fees… and he represented himself, so the legal fees were just another way of padding his pockets.

For my own clarity, as I’m a bit confused: If Mr. Pearson (who referred to himself as “we” during the trial - I love that “we”) had to pay $542,000 in legal fees and he was representing himself, then doesn’t that mean that he has already been paid?

Nayway, moving on, Jin and Soo Chung, the owners of the dry cleaners, had dealt with Pearson a few years earlier when they had lost a different pair of his pants. At that time he was compensated for the missing pants and was asked to discontinue his patronage of their establishment. Unfortunately, he remained a customer. So when this new pair of pants went missing, he was similarly offered compensation. At first Pearson demanded $1,150 for an entirely new suit.  I suppose this is understandable – one ought not wear a mismatching suit. But they didn’t think they should have to buy a whole new suit. And things escalated. Low blows turned to legal woes.  And Pearson turned into an ass.

At this point Pearson announced that he was suing for $54 million, so the Chungs started making offers.  First they offered him $3,000, then $4,600, then $12,000. In my opinion, $12,000 for a pair of pants is well worth it and I’d have settled right then and there.  But not Pearson.  Smelling the blood in the water, Pearson decided to milk the wealthy dry-clean barons for everything they had… plus fifty million or so.

By the time the case actually made it to court it was obvious that this was about more than just Pearson’s pants. Why you ask? Well one very large clue came in the form of Mrs Chung’s courtroom revelation that a week after Pearson dropped off his pants, Mrs Chung found them. The receipt tag on the pants that she tried to return to “his honor” exactly matched the receipt he held to pick them up.  So what was the case about?  Customer satisfaction of course, because isn’t the customer always right? And the guarantee of same day service obviously not being met!  Horrors!

It appears that the only person who didn’t see the lawsuit as an absurd abuse of our legal system was (former) Judge Roy Pearson. During his hour and a half testimony (where, I’d like to imagine he asked himself hard hitting questions a la Jack Nicholson a la A Few Good Men answering la Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men), “You want your pants?” Pearson asks, “I thin I’m entitled,” answers Pearson.  “You want your pants?” asks Pearson,  “I want the truth,” answers Pearson.  “You can’t handle the truth!” answers Pearson, “They’re GONE!”

Needless to say, Pearson lost the suit.  Court costs were awarded to the Chungs.  The Chungs then considered a counter suit for $83,000 in order to recover legal fees, but they then dropped the suit after recovering costs through fund-raising and donations.  Pearson, thankfully, was the real loser here.  Besides losing the potential $54 million he stood to gain, he lost his job which had an annual salary of $100,512.

But this whole suit brings me to a philosophical dilemna:  if “the customer is always right,” then what happens if a business guarantees satisfaction and their customer is a ridiculous, anal retentive, ass whose expectations could never possibly be satisfied?

The only answer that I can fathom is this; Pearson pays the legal fees (even though they’ve already been recovered) for the nice Korean couple and he is left with his panties in a bunch for all the world to see.

On Tuesday morning, Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue stepped up to a podium outside the state Capitol and led a solemn crowd of several hundred people in a prayer for rain on his drought-stricken state.

Please note: meteorologists said there was a slight possibility of rain on Tuesday, but less of a chance of precipitation was predicted for the rest of the week.

His prayer began, “We’ve come together here simply for one reason and one reason only: To very reverently and respectfully pray up a storm.”

To pray up a storm. Wow. A servant of the people wants to pray up a storm. Now given he doesn’t identify what type of storm that would be, God could serve up any type of storm – including another “Desert Storm.” Did Perdue think of that? If you’re going to blur the lines, at least be specific. That’s what The Secret has taught us. Ask for a mansion, or a Porsche, not just “to be happy.” Perdue may have just prayed up the huge storm in Chile!

I’m well aware that Georgia is in the midst of an epic drought. I know that the public water supplies are drying up. Perdue has ordered water restrictions, launched a legal battle against the release of water from federal reservoirs and appealed to President Bush. But to lead the state in a public prayer?

His best line? “It’s time to appeal to Him who can and will make a difference,” Perdue told the crowd after which a choir provided a hymn.

Now I become concerned: if it doesn’t rain in Georgia, does this mean we have no God? Or has God decided that Georgia has already used its portion of water for the year? Or that maybe Georgians need to learn what it is to feel thirsty again, or not have green lawns, or to stop swimming or… this takes us down an endless path that no public servant should cause us to ponder.

Which is exactly why we have separation of church and state: so I don’t have to struggle with unanswerable philosophical life questions if I don’t want to, and in order to keep politicians from invoking God as a scapegoat so they have to handle political problems their own damned selves.

And then I heard about Rock N’ Roll Fantasy Band Camp. Quite possibly the coolest thing anything ever. You become a real live Rockstar with real live Rockstars all around you. It doesn’t matter whether you know how to play an instrument or not – they’ll teach you. For Five days and five nights you eat, sleep and breathe rock n’ roll.

You start in a small group, your band, and are actually given a celebrity counselor who stays with you for the duration of band camp. (I hope I don’t get stuck with Scott Ian. I know him and would be totally embarrassed to belt out “The Sound of Music” as my audition material.)

Your celebrity counselor then works with you to write an original song. I don’t know how that works because I don’t know how to write a song. I wrote a song once on my dad’s old electronic keyboard and he saved it and swore it was the best song he’d ever heard. Which is a father’s job to say. But it was sort of an Oom paa paa song – more like something you’d hear in a ballet class; definitely not the rock star material we’d be required to write.

Next we’d need to learn to play our song. Since I don’t play any instruments, and my last attempt at learning the guitar was dismal, I’m guessing I’d sing. Hopefully backup so I couldn’t mess up our act. My boyfriend when I was 16 years tried and tried and tried to teach me to play the guitar. I kept telling him my hands were too small. But with all the tiny girls out there who play the guitar I’m guessing that was a cop out. I just sucked.

After learning our song, we have to perform it live on stage to a sold out audience at a major rock venue. And there are Rockstars in the audience. Okay, that’s a little much for 5 day’s work. I mean, we rehearsed The Sound of Music for a month and a half before going live.

So as I think about it - we probably spend the first two days just learning our instruments, and at least a day writing our song, so what, two days to rehearse? That doesn’t seem like a very long time. I mean I want to be a Rockstar, but not one who sucks.  What if we walk out on stage and forget our song?  Band Camp is blown and we go home all alone because our band has broken up after only five sad days. 

Well I’m guessing that somehow this doesn’t happen.  That in some way it’s GUARANTEED not to happen, because for $8000 Rockstars, I mean customers, have to leave happy. Otherwise Fantasy Band Camp would be out of business pretty fast. Sadly I don’t have the eight grand to spend to become the Rockstar I dream of. But I’m saving up, because I am going to be Rockstar – even if I’m an aging 40 year old wannabe by the time it happens.

First things first: It was a rare occasion this week, but Britney actually had custody of her children. One would think she would take advantage of that time and do something special – take them to the park, take them on a walk, KEEP THEM IN THE HOUSE AND PLAY WITH THEM WHERE NO PAPARAZZI ARE AROUND! But no, Britney has to do things her way. And her way, these days, is the craziest, most mixed up, turned around, ass backwards way possible.

So she’s driving along with her kids in the car and she thinks, “Hmmm… there’s something I need to stop and get.” At the top of most mothers’ lists would be: milk, diapers, baby wipes… But Britney quickly stops the car, jumps out – leaving the kids inside with the court appointed car monitor as babysitter – and runs inside a store to shop for what? A chandelier?!? Of course. The track lighting in her house was just too much to bear any longer. A true lighting emergency. I feel for her. I know what your skin can look like under harsh white incandescent light. Really judge, it was as urgent as all that.

She then proceeded to get back into the car, kids safe and sound (good babysitter) and start the car back up again. Now we all know that K-Fed’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan has tried to get the judge to disallow Britney from driving with the kids (remember she ran over someone’s feet - twice!). So she’s driving along, probably singing to herself, not paying much attention to anything because that’s what she does. Then oops, she does it again. A little boo boo. She runs a red light at one of LA’s photo-trap intersections with her kids in the back seat. So not only does the court monitor in her car catch it, but the City of LA has it on camera too.

But does it really matter? Every move that Britney makes is documented by the paparazzi that seem to be tipped off to her every step (does Britney call the photogs?). So what’s it to her that two more cameras have evidence of her boo boos. It’d all show up in court anyway.

Second: Paris Hilton has taken to charity. On Larry King Live in June she said, “I have a platform where I can raise awareness for so many great causes,” but I didn’t believe her. Low and behold she’s proved me wrong. And in a very large way.

Paris is trying to raise global consciousness about the plight of drunken elephants in India. Apparently elephants are given rice beer which gets them very drunk and then causes much danger to themselves and the surrounding communities.

Recently, six elephants died while drunkenly storming an electric fence. Paris says, and I quote “There would have been more casualties but the villagers chased them away - and 4 elephants died in a similar way 3 years ago. It’s just so sad. The biggest problems are in Assam and Meghalaya. The elephants get drunk there all the time. It is getting really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”

Well Paris, think about this: an elephant would have to drink 10 litres of rice beer, no water and not metabolize any of it in order to actually get drunk. Now imagine this happening to herds of elephants all the time. The Indian rivers would have to be flowing with sake. But it’s nice that you bought into an urban myth. Reminds us all why you’re on The Simple Life to begin with.

My personal opinion is that trends are a waste of time. They are a way of selling you things that you just don’t need.

“Experts” go to all of the fashion shows, after which they sit around mulling and stewing, trying to figure out what the shows had in common. Once they’ve figured out the similarities, they proclaim them, TRENDS! Or say these “experts” have seen three or four celebrities wearing the same thing - well these things are magically transformed into, TRENDS!

“This season turquoise is a trend because Heidi Klum, Cameron Diaz, Kelly Ripa and Hayden Panettiere have all worn turquoise dresses!” Give me a break. That’s called coincidence.

The truth is you should wear what looks good on you, not what a skinny little model has worn on the runway, or what a celebrity happens to have picked out of her closet.

This is why my trend report will always start with a good bra - because a good bra will always make you look good. The Le Mystere Tisha Bra is my favorite at the moment. It comes in plus size, regular size, and strapless. It’s invisible under t-shirts and tank tops. That’s what has sold me.

I’d normally go on to tell you about what jeans fit what body type, or how to alter your boyfriend’s basic v-neck to look good on you, but I’ve already started to talk about trends, so I might as well go on…

At the top of everyone’s list is the fact the gray is the new black. Even Calvin Klein, the king of black clothing, is a convert. He showed white, gray and beige on his runway. We’re accustomed to the white and beige, but gray? Well, it just means that he’s part of the trend. As is Michael Kors (although I can’t stand his line). And as far as celebrities go – because they’re the ones who bring the trends from the runway to real life - Kate Moss has already been spotted sporting a gray sweater with a gray fitted blazer, matching jeans and silver ballet flats.

Liv Tyler also caught the trend, and one more, in her gray sweater dress. Oversize knits are a fall trend too. So she killed two trends in one. Burberry and Fendi both had enormous-gauge yarn in outrageously large knit cover-ups on their runways.

While Kate’s ballet flats may still be around, booties are the new kid in town. They’re on everyone’s feet – from Tyra Banks to Naomi Watts (both of whom daringly wore them with bare legs. Gasp!). Ruthie Davis made a great pair, I can’t stop wearing them, and I wonder if maybe Christina Ricci feels the same way as they looked fabulous on her feet in the February issue of Angeleno Magazine.

Another biggie – the wide leg pant is back. And Drew Barrymore has embraced them. 18th Amendment Jeans saw the trend coming and designed their “Bacall” jean before anyone even thought that the wide leg was attractive - especially in jeans. It was all skinny, skinny and skinnier. But 18th Amendment knew the pendulum had to swing back the other direction and they had the foresight to design a “high-waist, wide-leg” jean before anyone else. Very smart. They cornered the market. And their jeans look great on Kate Bosworth.

I think stripes seem to be hitting a lot of lists too. Ashlee Simpson was just seen out on the town wearing a big bold stripe top, while Hillary Swank opted for a milder version of thin stripes. But stripes aren’t necessarily new. I’d say that rather than stripes, there’s a larger print trend – the “world” trend. Designers are using street influences from East Asia to the Lower East Side to pattern their fabrics. J Lo is no stranger to this trend. But now Mischa Barton and Sienna Miller have hopped on board with what looks like “retro flair.” Lanvin and Westwood showed this trend on the runway with beautiful multi-color prints from plaids to inked-out paisleys.

The only thing left to cover is the classic suit which has re-emerged from the closet in an hourglass shape, at least on Valentino’s runway. But as Angelina Jolie wears it, while she certainly has the hourglass shape, per usual, she opts for the more traditional suit in a men’s shape.

So there you go. Fall’s trends.

Now my word of advice: stay away from these trends so you don’t look like the identically dressed plebes who follow the lists like the one I’ve just written above. There’s nothing worse than walking into a party wearing the same gray (or turquoise) dress as your best friend - or even more awful, the same gray and turquoise dress your best friend AND the stranger across the room.

Go for individuality and what looks best on you, not what the market is trying to sell. I promise, if you’re an individual you’ll always come out ahead.

Really, he looks more like a painting than a person. And somehow Ebony Magazine is convinced that he’s still the King of Pop. They are offering readers “a rare glimpse into the world of the internationally recognized icon.” But isn’t that world really in another country? Because isn’t this the same icon who fled the United States after his little run-in with the law? Harriette Cole, who wrote the article, said in a Today Show interview, “He came across really as kind of normal.” And I have to admit here that I flat out stole this from perezhilton.com, but does this look normal?

You can’t convince me that that this man is normal.

I’m not prejudiced. I don’t have a problem with people who are scarred or disfigured in any way. But he has eyeliner tattooed around his eyes. Part of his nose is missing due to plastic surgery. His lips don’t even look like lips; they look like Courtney Love after a concert.

Harriette continues, “A few days ago when we were with him, he was with his youngest son. They call him ‘Blanket’ — he’s 5 years old.” Oh, of course, that’s normal. What a cute nickname for a five-year old. Blanket. There’s nothing cute, sweet or endearing about that. Blanket. It’s an object. My niece Maddie – she’s the Madster, or Mads – some normal incarnation of her name. But blanket? I might as well call Maddie “pillow.” Trying to convince me that Michael Jackson is normal because he calls his son “blanket” is a very weak case.

Harriette goes on to quote Michael in the interview as saying, “Let’s face it, who wants mortality?” Okay, now I’m convinced he’s not normal. I dunno. I kind of don’t want to live forever. Not if it means sleeping in a hyperbolic oxygen chamber. Or living in a petting zoo. Or molesting little boys because you can’t face the fact that you might get old.

It’s been 25 years since his album Thriller was released. I remember my best friend Amy had the leather glove and the unauthorized biography. I was obsessed with the picture of John Lennon and Yoko Ono – the one where John is curled up naked in the fetal position next to her. I guess I just never got into that Michael Jackson craze.

Now Janet was a different story. But that was because of Paula Abdul. I was a dancer and Paula’s choreography was the shit. And when she went solo and stopped choreographing for others it was her that I stayed loyal to – even through the rumors that she was lip-synching.

I’m glad that I stayed with Paula, even if she is a pushover on American Idol. At least I didn’t get stuck in the world Ebony is living in – a world of hero-worshipping a man who hangs his baby out the window of a hotel balcony. Ebony is trying to resurrect Michael Jackson’s stardom by celebrating the twenty-fifth anniversary of the release of Thriller. He does have an amazing collection of work. It’s too bad that he also has a collection of neuroses that make him an unfit role model for anyone to look up to.