Vogue’s Most Wanted Leaves Me Wanting More

The Vogue’s MOST WANTED List is out for the week. I’ve been feverishly waiting it’s arrival. And thank God it’s here. I’m nothing without my style guide. So what do I need to go out and buy?

Well first? Preppy is back. So I need to tell my sister that her son and daughter should throw away all the fabulous clothes I bought in Japan and quickly run to Nieman’s for some Polo’s and Penny Loafers. No seriously. Liz Claiborne is trend number one with”knits” - a black and white stripe turtleneck sweater. I suppose they were trying for a bit of Edie Sedgwick on a budget, but they missed by about a thriftstore and a movie camera.

Trend two: “precious cargo.” What the hell does that mean? They point to a pair of DSqared2 cargo pants which don’t look so precious but rather could be off the rack at Abercrombie & Fitch. And they’re three quarter length. Yes, preppy cargo pants. Imagine with a nice polo shirt and a sweater wrapped around your neck. Eeeygads!Drum roll please…

Trend three: “wrap it up.” A cashmere scarf. An argyle one from J Crew at that. So we’ve got a Liz Claiborne stripe turtleneck, a pair of three quarter length cargos and a J Crew argyle scarf? I’m really starting to wonder about the wisdom of my fashion bible.

Trend four? “flats rate.” No. Can’t stand behind this one. A pair of Juicy Couture Ballet flats made to look like old school Gucci loafers. Really I just can’t stand behind any Juicy Couture. And that Vogue can? Well, it shows where their advertising dollars are coming from.

I’m losing interest, but might as well look at five: it’s called “lady like.” I can’t explain it, so I’ll just show you:

Lady_like

Am I crazy or does that look anything but ladylike? Not to mention it’s a horrible outfit. The bag looks like it’s pleather, and I like how they were sure to pull the sleeves out from under the jacket so you’d get that extra bit of stripe. The jacket looks straight out of H&M and that sweater dress would make any girl look horrendous if she dare take off the jacket.

So what, we’re up to number six? “hats off.” Oh my God. A Gwen Stefani lookin’ Balenciaga red felt hat with chain that no woman in her right mind would be caught dead wearing unless she were 50 or older, had long blond hair and were a, how do you put it kindly, an “escort?” One of those women who doesn’t quite know how to dress but buys all the name brands, and especially the accessories, because she has a little extra spending money given her entrepreneurial employment.

C’mon, give it to me, number seven: “warm front.” A chunky cable knit fisherman’s sweater by Adampluseve. An especially ugly one at that with a J Crew cashmere stripe ascot. Do women wear ascots? I thought those were for men in smoking jackets.

Now we’re up to number eight: “red flush.” Okay you’ve got to see this one.

Redflush

I included all of the details so you could see that it was indeed made by Luella Bartley, making it quite apparent what a big Vivienne Westwood knockoff it is, with a dangle on the front so heavy that it’ll flop over every time you set it down, and charms on the side that are so busy that they detract from the main attraction: the Vivienne Westwood knockoff. Well, I suppose that’s a good thing.

So it’s number nine (almost the end thank you): “crew cuts.” Two L.A.M.B. stripe cardigans. I guess you can’t really go wrong with those. One is black and red, the other yellow and red. Just classic cardigans. Boring.

YAY! Number Ten: “get the boot.” A Marc Jacobs boot. Not that I love Marc Jacobs. But finally something I can stand behind. I would wear these. So here they are. My pick from Vogue’s MOST WANTED List:

Get_the_boot